the four right chords can make me cry

weekend whirlwind.

on my mind right now: need to catch up with my schoolwork!

feeling quite joyful in spite of it all.

note to self:
remember to bring snacks for CG
remember to ask Serene to come
go watch a movie this weekend!

as i was attempting to clear out my room i came across several clumps of letters here and there. read through and threw some away. not many though, i'm quite nostalgic. was amazed that people used to write to me, i have absolutely no recollection of it. really made me miss them. jonk, dor, beng, neth, and of course enai. it made me see how much i've changed since then, those "happy 15th birthday" cards. feels like a lifetime ago.

met uncle thomas in school today. really appreciate him taking time to talk to me. he's really cool, got such a rich life experience. will go home and type out some of the things he said to me and post up, think it will benefit everybody. will also post his sms to me, super funny.. he's like my dad, very nonsense!

mainly, i came away from that with a much enlarged perspective. right now what i'm dealing with day to day is very microscopic, on the transmission electron microscope level. he made me think about what life is like in retrospect, the dangerous aimlessness of the 30's, how christian leaders he knew from the 70's have fallen away, the discouragement when you're almost 60 and you realise many of your contemporaries have left the ministry or gotten sidetracked by success in life. important to think about before you go down that road.

i have a lot to chew on.

this'll be my first post from a mac! in the writing centre now... no conferences today. still getting used to the mac interface.

which reminds me, i haven't done my bioinformatics homework (linux)! which brings me back to my initial concern about not having gotten any work done over the whole of last week (too depressed/stressed over driving test) or this weekend.

ok, off i go.

posted by beckyboo @ 2:04 PM 0 comments

i could not ask for more.
ok, a driving license would be nice though.

I love the feeling of being surrounded by friends. I remember this lecture where neisha was behind me, josh was on my right and jinyin was on my left. Just a simple thing, but not at all trivial.

I was really touched by the reading room gang. I saw them in school after I'd failed my driving test, and they were so absolutely sweet about it. I wouldn't have gotten over it so quickly otherwise. Thanks pema, berwine and huihui. I don't know what i did to deserve friends like that.

yeah timo, i think you're right. i feel different.

Lunch with pema on wednesday was really great, I'm so exceedingly euphoric that we'll be meeting every week now. Its so good to be in the company of someone who's company is so good, and thinks you're not half bad yourself.

This reminds me of a reading I have:
"The following sentence means exactly what it says: This sentence contains only three rong words. Now that cannot be right, can it? After all there is only one wrong word - the word "rong". In order to read correctly this sentence would have to be altered to: This sentence contains one rong word. But the original sentence did actually contain three wrong words: "Three" should have been "one", "rong" should have been "wrong", and "words" should have been "word." So the sentence was true after all, wasn't it? And yet as soon as we say that, it is wrong again. Because then again there is only one wrong word. in other words, when the sentence is true it is false, and when it is false it is true."

whoa nelly. mind-boggling stuff.

today wasn't a good day for first impressions on tutors though. got into thai class 15 minutes late, and I didn't have the book so I was sent scampering downstairs to get one. And the door slammed real loud behind me... oops. But the ajarn is really nice, such a friendly, smiley looking lady. Way better than the fierce looking conversation teacher. Running across arts fac to get back to science is most unglam. Note to self: remember to wear shoes on fridays. Was like 15-20 mins late for stats tutorial too. ah well.

but praying for science was really good. coming before God collectively like that, the physical manifestation of our complete dependence on Him. I'm learning to adopt the posture of prayer.

It was nice meeting nick, haven't seen him in months! Glad we got to just have lunch before he goes off to canada. Really like the CD he lent me too, and he's got such cool books to show me! Best of all, he got to join us in prayer =)

I'm quite enamoured with friday CG. Each and every one of them. Like organelles in a cell, each in tune with the other and working in harmony. And best of all, self-organised! (which is great considering how disorganised I am). Had a good time during BS, I think the passage spoke to each of us, the different layers in it addressing personal concerns. Thank God for leading each of us in the Holy Spirit, revealing the Truths in His word.

It's been a long day. It's been a really long week.

And tomorrow is daddy's birthday!

In short,
goodnight.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:48 PM 0 comments

Malachi 3:10
"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."

We have a good problem on our hands. Our two CGs now have 20 or more people each. When we were praying for science, I honestly didn't see this coming. I feel like the disciples, God said "throw net there" then throw lor, even though it doesn't seem promising by my estimate. And now our boat is sinking. A good problem!

John 21:4-14
Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
He called out to them, "Friends, haven't you any fish?"
"No," they answered.
He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.
Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards.
When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you have just caught."
Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

Human nature: a bit slow to recognise God. Only when they realised how vast a quantity of fish was caught did they realise who that man on the shore was. Sometimes I feel my understanding of God can be a little dimmed, restricted to the narrow scope of my experience. Then stuff happens that makes me go, "It is the Lord!". But in between, just obey.

So don't worry, becks. The net didn't break.

But there's only so far this analogy can be stretched, obviously we do not eat freshies for breakfast. We eat them for dinner!

Anyway. Back to Malachi. The context of the passage was about robbing God. For me tithing is not so much about money, but more of an attitude towards life. Do I recognise that everything I "own" is merely on loan from God, time included? Investing time in my own spiritual walk, spending time with other people.

That there may be food in God's house.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:49 AM 1 comments

I am...

More than fine
More than bent on getting by
More than fine
More than just OK
-Switchfoot

finally out of the pms woods. past few days have been so fragile, at the verge of tears over the slightest thing. so emotional! i remember getting so madly pissed off with the printer and feeling very out of sorts in social settings. but now i'm fine! more than fine actually!

but is it really just hormones? seems so, cos looking back now it seems so silly. ah well. unpredictable as usual. dont you like me better that way?

posted by beckyboo @ 12:34 AM 1 comments

it's been a long, sometimes stressful, week.

but i just want to say this before i crash:

Thank you, God. You have given me so much more that I asked for, you are so much bigger than I can understand. Help me to stand on your promises.

Amen.

posted by beckyboo @ 1:43 AM 0 comments

ARGH

Monday
1-2: writing assistant
2 hour break
4-6: biosemiotics
6-8: science of music

Tuesday
8-10: bioinformatics lecture
2 hour break
12-2: bioinformatics lab
2 hour break
4-6: biostats lecture
6-8: thai 1 tutorial

Wednesday
8-10: cell bio
10-12: writing assistant
4 hour break
4-6: science of music

Thursday
morning: volunteering at PCC
4-6: biosemiotics
6-8: thai 1 tutorial

Friday
8-10: cell bio
10-11: science of music lecture
5 hour break
4-6: biostats lecture

timetable is so awful! all the thai tutorials snapped up, leaving only the crappiest times. so now i have THREE 8am classes and THREE 8pm classes!!!! and not to mention weird breaks everywhere. HOW DID I GET MYSELF INTO THIS MESS.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:48 PM 0 comments

typed out a really long post for my discussion forum. why waste it?

The Subjectivity of Science

Our understanding of the world has always been coloured by our own subjective point of view. Even Science, which is (seemingly) all about objectiveness and empirical, quantifiable results. Before you call me crazy, let me try to explain what i mean (thoughts kinda jumbled up now).

In the Kauffman article, Science is contrasted with the belief in a God. Faith is portrayed as quaint, noble but misguided at best, and pedantic and restrictive to progress at its worst. Science is portrayed slightly more positively, as what cast us out of paradise, but also a sort of enlightenment. (which is quite ironic, now that i think about it)

In the course of Western history, the belief in God has faced 3 challenges from Science. 1) The Copernican Revolution 2) The Newtonian Revolution 3) The Darwinian Revolution. And each time, faith "made accomodations". After being displaced from the centre of the universe by Copernicus and when Newton dispelled the notion of the stars and tides moving by divine intervention, it was imagined that a hierachy existed, with Man at it's pinnacle. Creation science and the belief in "timeless laws of form" are cited as reactions to Darwinism.

What is the trend here? In Pre-Copernican times, the assumption was that there was a Creator, and Science and research proceeded along those lines. In other words, a belief (subjective) shaped the course of Science. {this is a side point: It produced some erroneous and silly conclusions, yes, but it also produced a lot of fundamental science that we use today. More importantly, it produced enough of the basics to allow Copernicus to make his discovery.} In the same vein, the belief that human beings were the "pinnacle of creation" led Darwinian scientists to think about phylogeny and taxonomy in a certain way before the advent of genetics.

What you see is what you get? No. What you see is what you want to see. True not only in Science, but manifestly obvious in human relationships. Think of prejudice, no matter what the person is really like, if you are prejudiced against him/her, you will only be able to see whats bad.

I suggest two reasons for why Science can be subjective: 1)science is in the making and 2)science is a tool that rests in the hands of human beings, subjective beings.

1) science in the making: like pre-Copernican, pre-Newtonian, pre-Darwinian people, we still do not have a complete understanding of the world, life, everything. Just as certain beliefs shaped their understanding in the past, our understanding is shaped by what we believe now, which may or may not be right. If one of us comes up with a revolutionary new understanding of the world in the distant future, the Science we are living in now might be called pre-Rebeccan. (ego trip =p)

2) science, though in itself an objective method, is nothing but a tool that rests in the hands of us subjective human beings. the trick lies in the fact that the data and information produced by Science has to be interpreted, and by human beings, of all things, so subjective and changeable.

Margulis and Sagan bring up the thing about "pinnacle of creation" again. They seem to think it ridiculous, and prefer to see life as something highly interdependent, a complex network rather than a linear hierachy. To me, this new belief which has led to a deeper understanding of the microcosm is nothing surprising. As a result of an increasingly globalised world, people have begun to change the way they think about things. We are more and more aware of the connectedness of peoples, economies, nations, ecologies. And we take these ideas of interdependence, mix them with ideals of harmony, and apply them to Science.

So does subjectivity advance Science as well as hinder it? Room for discussion!

posted by beckyboo @ 10:08 PM 0 comments

as promised, the rest of my kinabalu photos.


attempting an artistic angle.


the sun in our eyes


somehow, i seem very sunlight sensitive.


i was getting really tired so we kept stopping on account of me. and everytime we stopped we took the opportunity to take photos.


i love life on the mountains.


lots of people have asked me what's the terrain like. kinda like this. for 5 hours at a go.


its all about the journey.


my first time actually inside a cloud. i think.


vegetation is different up here.


wet but not quite miserable. yet.


a (small) river runs through it


it be dark. climbing at 2am.


here comes the sun


trudgetrudge


dawn is breaking


obligatory picture with the sign as concrete (granite?) proof that we actually made it to the top. i'm the dinky looking one in the hat.


would not be nice to fall down there. no.


wow


peak in view, but rough terrain ahead


bare faced


waterfall.
we went here after getting bored of the hot springs.


happy wet people


at the foot of the waterfall


us girls


naked guys?


parting shot

posted by beckyboo @ 12:19 AM 1 comments

6 hour break
no handphone

yay!

i am officially uncontactable and happy about it =)

school has started, but timetable is still being messed around with. fitting in thai and other tutorials as well as WA slots and volunteering days. in general, it's turning out quite nicely.

i confuse myself sometimes because so many of my modules have the word "bio" in it, get mixed up. biosemiotics, bioinformatics, biostatistics, cell bio. try saying that 3 times fast!

guess that's all to report for now, nothing exciting going on, except maybe for the appearance of the milo truck.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:13 AM 1 comments

test from damien's blog

of course!!! i would not be any other movie! muahahaha. i like this test.

posted by beckyboo @ 1:11 AM 0 comments

some kota kinabalu trip photos i got from shaun!
chilling out after breakfast
the girls
the boys
the scenery
on a rock
goofing off
kittens!
more scenery!
the night before the climb with the mountains behind us
a clearer view of the mountain the next morning
i cant believe we made it all the way from here to all the way up there!
our hand-holder, elson!
where elson left us
anytime is photo time

got tired of uploading photos one by one... some other time i'll put up the rest...

happy national day!

posted by beckyboo @ 12:59 AM 0 comments

like a dull ache
at the back of my head
at the base of my skull
as if dealt a hard blow
from a soft object

we've both changed in ways
neither of us will
admit

don't patronise me.

posted by beckyboo @ 11:46 PM 0 comments

chronological

science comm meeting: exciting new things happening in the sems ahead!

reading room: was made honourary member!

usp bbq: kept being presented with food!

reading new book: Long Way Round, Chasing shadows across the world. by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman.

i type blurb for you

It started as a daydream. Poring over a map of the world at home one quiet Saturday afternoon, Ewan McGregor-actor and self-confessed bike nut-noticed that it was possible to ride all the way round the world, with just one short hop across the Being Strait from Russia to Alaska. It was a revelation he could'nt get out of his head. So he picked up the phone and called Charley Boorman, his best friend, fellow actor and bike enthusiast. 'Charley,' he said. 'I think you ought to come over for dinner...'
From London to New York, Ewan and Charley chased their shadows through Europe, the Ukraine, Kazakhstan, Mongolia and Russia, across the Pacific to Alaska, then down through Canada and America. But as the miles slipped beneath the tyres of their big MBWs, their troubles started. Exhaustion, injury and accidents tested their strength. Treacherous roads, unpredictable weather and turbulent politics challenged their stamina. They were chased by paparazzi in Kazakhstan, courted by men with very large guns in the Ukraine, hassled by the police, and given bulls' testicles for supper by Mongolian nomads.
And yet despite all these obstacles they managed to ride more than twenty thousand miles in four months, changing their lives for ever in the process. As they travelled they documented their trip, taking photographs, and writing diaries by the campfire. Long Way Round is the result of their adventures-a fascinating, frank and highly entertaining travel book about two friends riding round the world together and, against all the odds, realising their dream.


inspired. i am.

"but that one moment, that twist of the grip, the roar of the engine, the smell of the exhaust and the petrol and the thrill of the speed was enough. I was hooked."

"I thought it was just the best thing. I loved the smell of it, the sound of it, the look of it, the rush of it, the high-pitched screaming of the engine."

why do bikers say the same thing about what makes them love bikes?

because its something universal.

i'm just aiming for thailand.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:32 AM 0 comments

this too shall pass.

- today my driving instructor said i look fat. he is not making it easy for me to like him much.
- got a pretty new skirt from enai today! but i can't find a top that will match it! i think this calls for more shopping (^_^)
- i'm FINALLY taking thai this sem!!! dii maak maak!

something i scribbled down a few days ago in the notebook joel gave me:
am i merely an accumulation of influences
or am i a truly unique, distinct individual?

the reading room feels like home. =)
we're gonna watch CATCF on friday! yay!

my favourite soundbites
- reticence is in the air! (logically absurd! but fun to say!)
- segue (apparently dr lo's favourite word)

WA training.
I really need to do something about my self-confidence. but what?
it's one thing to be quiet by nature, but quite another thing when it starts to get in the way of your work.
the other WAs are so cool!

i fear i'm being misunderstood.

but this too shall pass. what is eternal?

posted by beckyboo @ 8:59 PM 2 comments

location: computer B 09 at central library

so many PRCs around, presumably getting a headstart on mugging or something? they're really hardworking. all i hear is the tick-click of keyboards and some shuffling around.

ublues was super fantastic. i lovelovelove trevor jalla's voice and guitar, he has such incredible control over the tone and volume, flair and musicality. but lets not forget the rest of the band members who are really talented as well. i love watching francis perform. he always looks like he's having the time of his life, with this big smile on his face always. and his bass solo was wicked. gary on drums was amazing too! i'm no drummer, but i was impressed deeply. and of course danny, who was everywhere, from keyboards to guitar to bass.

it's at once incredibly inspirational and devastatingly demoralising. that kind of music and skill makes you want to pick up the guitar. but once that guitar is in your hands, your imitation is so poor and feeble its really depressing.

darren said it, they are the total package. musicality is there, the band is tight. and i love jalla's stage presence. (^_^) i am such a groupie. love their cheerful, friendly demeanour and the close ties they got with their friends in the audience. blues is pretty niche i guess.

i heart ublues!

went for supper with darren then went home and slept a few hours before going to the airport to send miah off. he's gone a year! so exciting, to be going off on exchange like that. wish i had stowed away. but considering how they won't even let toothpaste past them, very unlikely that it would have succeeded.

now sitting in school, trying to waste time productively, waiting for my wa training session to start. lardidah.

oh yeah, went to school of rock yesterday too. could'nt see anything from the back, too many tall people in front of me. i was quite amused. but its heartening to see the local scene picking up. but its sad to see that many bands had this idea that good music is left up to the west to decide. some laudable copies of funk, rock. a very sad copy of metal (disstan skkkieeesss!). some bland copies of pop and punk. but no distinctive asian feel, no soul to it. just mindless replication. ah well. still young. many more years to develop a wider range of influences and more importantly a unique voice. lunarin is quite impressive musically, but their songs make me depressed. they affect this sense of hopelessness and futility and endless circling.

ublues the best lah.

posted by beckyboo @ 8:43 AM 0 comments